


Once Again

by LoneStar_118



Category: Chicago Med, Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Adam Ruzek Whump, Gun Violence, Hurt Adam Ruzek, Hurt Jay Halstead, Hurt/Comfort, Jay Halstead Whump, Worried Hailey Upton, Worried Jay Halstead, Worried Kim Burgess, everyone is worried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:21:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27257857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoneStar_118/pseuds/LoneStar_118
Summary: Jay and Adam's trip to talk to a potential witness takes a quick turn for the worst, leaving the rest of the team scrambling for answers.
Comments: 31
Kudos: 133





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Quick disclaimer: I've only seen like 5 episodes of Chicago P.D. but I just HAD to write this so, sorry if the characterization is off. Enjoy my dumpster fire!

"I don't like this," Jay comments as he steps out of the safe catacomb of warmth that is his car into the brisk biting winter air. He's had an uncomfortable crawling feeling since this case started, every part of it has seemed off, like every little thing they've done is part of some bigger meticulously planned scheme, like they're just puppets playing to the tune of some outside power. And the present situation isn't making him feel any better. Some kid just conveniently contacting Adam wanting to meet somewhere alone to share information on the case under the condition he doesn't tell anyone where he's going. Jay knows the only reason he's here with Adam walking into what is almost certainly a trap is that he just so happened to be driving the car when Adam got the call. It'd taken a lot of arguing just to get Adam to let him on what the kid had said.

"You didn't have to come," Adam replies and slams the car door shut. "In fact, it'd be better if you didn't."

"And let you walk into a trap alone? I don't think so, sorry Ruz," Jay snorts and lets one hand slide down to the handle of his sidearm. "Me not calling Voight is pushing it as it is."

"It was some kid, so just relax," Adam says looking amused by the caution Jay is approaching the situation with. "He was probably a neighbor or something who doesn't want anyone to know he's talking to us."

"I still don't like it," Jay says, scanning the abandoned warehouse towering above them from across the vacant lot. They're out in the open and in the middle of nowhere. It's the perfect place for an ambush really. The warehouse could easily conceal a sniper and the closest place to duck for cover is the car. 

"Then go home," Adam jokes and slides his hands into his pockets.

"At least let me call Upton," Jay says following Adam as he walks toward the building.

"You already got your 'at least', Jay. That was coming with me," Adam replies.

"No, I'm calling her," Jay says and pulls out his phone.

"No, come on man. It's my lead," Adam argues, stopping to turn and glare at Jay. "Just trust me on this."

"Yeah, no. and you're my partner for the day and I don't want either of us to get dead, so I'm at least letting someone know where we are," Jay snaps and turns his attention to his phone screen.

"Halstead-" 

The loud crack that explodes through the frozen air, interrupting Adam, hits Jay's ears like a bolt of lightning electrifying his every nerve, making every hair on his body stand on end and freezes him where he stands halfway through dialing Upton's number. He looks up, still trying to recover from the shock just in time to see Adam open and close his mouth, shock written on his face before he clutches his stomach and collapses face first to the ground with a quiet groan of pain.

* * *

"Have either of you heard from Ruzek and Halstead?" Voight demands marching into the bullpen.

"They went to get lunch or something," Antonio says looking up from the files he and Hailey are going through. "Why?"

"Neither of them are picking up their phones, and I needed them to go talk to a witness like yesterday," Voight replies angrily.

"Let me try Jay," Upton offers and pulls out her phone. "They probably just got sidetracked."

"I'll just get Atwater and Burgess to go," Voight says gruffly and heads to his office.

"I'd give em a call anyway," Antonio suggests. "The two of them have a nasty habit of getting into trouble, checking up on them couldn't hurt."

"Don't worry, I'm already on it," Hailey replies, already putting her phone to her ear. It doesn't take long for a frown to cross her face as she takes the phone away from her ear. "Got his voicemail..."

"Maybe he's driving, try Adam," Antonio suggests. Both of them shouldn't be busy.

"Already on it," Hailey says, putting the phone against her ear again and then shaking her head a mix of frustration and concern coming across her face. "Nothing."

Antonio frowns and sits back in his chair.

"Maybe we should go try to find them," Hailey suggests, sliding her phone into her jacket pocket.

"I'll go clear it with Voight, you call dispatch and try to get a location on Jay's car," Antonio says, standing up and grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair.

* * *

Jay's first instinct is to dive for cover behind the car, but it's quickly thwarted by the soldier in him. He pulls his gun out and fires a few shots in the general direction of the warehouse as he darts forward, keeping his body low and grabs Adam by the back of his vest. A second shot cracks through the still air as he drags Adam back toward the cover of the car. Jay can feel the bullet wiz past his head and it makes his blood run cold and sends a shiver through his body. He gets Adam around the hood of the car just as a third shot sounds through the air and dings off the hood. He rattles off a few more rounds in the direction he's pretty sure the shots came from and then sinks back down to the ground to direct his attention to Adam.

"Hey man, where are you hit?" He says, panting from the rush of adrenaline.

"Guess you were right…" he mumbles ignoring Jay's question.

"Shut up, just shut up, okay? That doesn't matter," Jay says, trying to keep the panic out of his voice as he rips open Adam's vest to reveal the exit wound in his stomach slowly oozing blood. "You're gonna be fine."

Adam grunts and clenches his jaw as Jay presses one hand against the bullet hole.

"Can I call Upton now?" Jay asks, trying pass it off as a joke in an attempt to lighten the mood, make things seem less bad than they are, and maybe make Adam feel just a tad bit better.

Adam attempts to laugh but it ends as more of a pained cough. "Maybe 911 first…"

"Already on it, buddy," Jay says and reaches for his phone only to realize he doesn't have it. "Damn it, I dropped my phone. Where's yours?"

"Jacket pocket," Adam mumbles, his eyelids starting to droop.

"Hey, stay with me man," Jay urges and pats Adam's cheek with one hand. He's been here before, different person, different place, but he's been here, done this. Every time it happened he'd cursed and begged and prayed it'd never happen again, but without fail somehow all roads lead back to this, blood and loss and death. He's never quite been able to outrun it. "Don't go passing out on me now, okay? You stay with me."

"Yeah," Adam mumbles and closes his eyes despite Jay's desperate attempts to keep him awake.

"Come on buddy," Jay whines, he can feel the lump in his throat rising. It's something familiar for him, but something he'll never get used to… the helplessness. He fumbles with his one free hand it Adam's coat pocket in search of his phone. It takes him a second to find it and there's a terrifying moment there where he's scared he won't find it all, that maybe it fell out somewhere, before his fingers finally find it. It's barely out of his pocket before Jay's fingers are flying across the screen. 911 first then Hailey- the cavalry-

"Jay…" Adam's eyes are open again but his gaze is fixed on something in the distance.

"Hey, it's okay buddy-"

"No, Jay," he chokes and makes a grab for his gun with one bloody hand.

Jay whips around just on time to see the armed man approaching them with his gun raised. He drops the phone and makes a grab for his own gun, but he's not fast enough. A gunshot rings through the air, loud and clear. For one blissful instant he thinks the shot was actually loud enough to be from Adam's gun, that this all over, that the shooter's dead and he can get Adam to safety. For that one blissful second, he actually thinks everything is going to be okay, and then he looks back at his friend and all his foolish hopes, wishes really, come crashing down. Adam goes completely limp and his chin falls against his chest as a dark stain spreads across the center of his chest, staining his grey shirt a dark sickening red.

"No!" He shouts in shock and horror and wheels around raising his gun toward the shooter and firing. His vision is blurred by a sudden onset of tears and he misses, but the gunman doesn't. The bullet burns as it passes through his wrist, knocking the gun out of his hand. He cries out in pain and doubles over forward clutching the wound. His cry is less from the wound and more from this new agonizing loss he's been thrown headlong into once again.

"Don't move," a gruff voice growls and the cold barrel of a gun presses against the back of Jay's skull. "Or I'll blow your brains out."

Jay doesn't fight back, he lets his head rest against the cold ground and tries to hold back the tears stinging his eyes and the hard lump in his throat. He wants to scream and throw things and curse everything, existence itself and all its cruelty. He'd been right there, right next to Adam and somehow he'd been able to do nothing. He should've waited to open his vest. He should've called for back up sooner...

"What do you want," he manages to choke. Instinct tells him he should try to stop the blood oozing from his wrist, but he doesn't care enough to try.

"We got what we want. You're just collateral," the man says and presses the gun a little harder against Jay's head.

Giving up and dying has never been part of Jay's nature, it can't start now. This guy has to pay for what he's done, and right now Jay's the only one who can make that happen. He takes in a slow deep breath and digging in his heals he launches himself upward throwing his body into the shooter. His head slams into the man's stomach and he doubles over, dropping his gun. Jay pushes himself forward harder and the man falls back; they both hit the icy ground hard.

“You son of a bitch,” Jay growls and wraps his hands around the man’s throat. He ignores the pounding burning pain shooting up his arm from the bullet wound in his wrist. The blood leaking from his wrist is making it hard to get a good grip on this guys throat, but it only makes him squeeze harder. “He was already down!”

He let’s go with his good hand and smashes his fist into the guys face. He’s not even thinking now, his vision is blurred with fury. He can’t even feel the biting cold or the pain in his wrist. He lands another blow, then another, and he raises his fist to land a fourth blow but the guy reaches up and slams his gun into the side of the head. Jay loses his grip on the man’s throat and collapses off him into the snow.

“He deserves it!” The man shouts and fires a shot at Jay who manages to role out of the way at the last second.

“You’re gonna pay!” Jay growls and dives for Adam’s gun that’s laying in the red snow next to his body. It’s one swift motion, he grabs the shot and fires just as the other man takes his shot. The man’s head snaps back and he goes down in a spray of blood just as searing pain explodes in Jay’s shoulder and knocks him back. 

Jay lets himself lay still in the snow for a second, gasping as the adrenaline drains from him and the feeling, the pain, returns to his body. He groans and forces himself upright.

“Adam?” He chokes and slowly scoots closer to him. He’s not moving, Jay’s not even sure if he’s breathing. “Come on man,” he tries weakly and gently pulls Adam into his arms. “Not like this. Stay with me, Ruz.”

“Kim…?” Adam mouths, sound barely leaving his lips, blood dripping from his mouth and catching in his beard.

“Yeah, you gotta pull through so you can see her again,” Jay urges and presses his hand against the bullet hole in Adam’s chest. He knows it's not going to do any good, but he has to try something. “You’re gonna be fine. Everything’s gonna be fine.”

No reply comes from Adam and his head flops limply to the side.

“No, no, no, come on!” Jay begs and hugs Adam’s head close to his chest with one hand and keeps pressure on his wound with the other. He can feel blood soaking into his shirt, it’s hot and sticky against his skin, and he has no idea if it’s his own or Adam’s. It could very well be both.

“Don’t leave me buddy,” he pleads desperately and rests his chin on top of Adam’s head. Tears are stinging his eyes and burning down his cold cheeks, but he doesn’t care. He’s done trying to keep them back, he’s done trying not to feel because even if he wanted to he couldn’t. He doesn’t have any energy left to keep his emotions in check. “Please no. please!” 

He’s about to make a move for Adam’s phone that’s laying on the ground a few feet away but stops as the sound of sirens screams through the still air. It’s like music to his ears. Help is coming for them. They’re going to be okay,  _ Adam  _ is going to be okay… everything is going to be okay. He knows it’s a flooshish thing to tell himself, but it’s the only thing he can bring himself to think.

“You hear that? Helps coming. You’re gonna be okay,” He whispers and keeps his chin rested on Adam’s head. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Antonio’s car is the first one to come into view, careening around the far side of the warehouse, kicking up snow, sirens blaring at full volume, and lights flashing. Voight’s truck rockets around the corner only a second later, followed closely by Atwater’s. Hailey is out of Antonio’s car before it’s even come to a complete stop, and takes off at a run toward Jay.

“Jay!” She pants sliding to the ground next him.

“I’m fine,” He rasps. “Adam… take him.”

Her wide fearful gaze shifts to Adam for a second and then back up to meet Jay’s eyes.

“Come on, help me get him up,” Jay gasps and throws one of Adam’s arms over his shoulder and pushes himself up. He almost collapses under Adam’s dead weight as he struggles to his feet. “Gotta get him help…”

“Woah, woah, hey,” Antonio cries running up next to Hailey with Voight and Atwater on his heals.

“We got him man,” Kevin says and slides one arm under Adam’s arms.

“Get him to the car, go!” Voight shouts. “We don’t have time for an ambulance.”

Jay can hear panic in his boss’s voice and it’s a little baffling. He’s not used to hearing it from him. He tries to follow as Antonio and Kevin move Adam to Antonio’s car, but he loses his balance and stumbles; the world spins around him as things begin to blur together.

“Hey, Jay, I got you,” Hailey’s gentle voice sounds in his ear and she catches him, wrapping her arms around him protectively.

He closes his eyes and no longer able to support his own weight he collapses into her arms. He can feel her buckle under his weight but he can’t find the strength to stand up on his own.


	2. Chapter 2

“Woah! Jay!” Hailey cries as he gives out and his full weight comes down on top of her. She almost drops him, not expecting the sudden onset of weight bearing down on top of her. “Hank!” She shouts unsure who else to call out to. 

“Get Ruzek to the hospital!” She hears him call to Antonio and Kevin as he doubles back to help her.

She eases Jay to the ground and keeps his head resting in her lap. He’s covered in blood; at first she’d thought it was all Adam’s but now she’s not so sure.

“What happened?” Hank demands kneeling.

“I think he’s hit,” she breathes as her gaze lands on the dark spot in Jay’s shoulder. She can see now that it's oozing blood. 

“Where?” Voight asks, taking his jacket off.

“His shoulder,” she replies, pressing her hand against the bloody wound. His blood is hot as it pushes against her cold hands.

“Where’s Adam?” Jay mumbles and attempts to sit up. “You guys gotta help him…”

“We got him,” Hank replies and gently eases Jay back. “He’s fine.”

“Really?” Jay asks he’s dazed enough that Hailey’s pretty sure he actually believes it.

“Yeah, now we just got to get you taken care of,” Hank replies and presses his jacket against Jay’s shoulder. Hailey hears the catch in Voight’s voice, but she’s sure Jay isn’t alert enough to catch it, which is for the best considering Adam probably won’t even make it to the hospital, and Jay doesn’t need to know that right now. He needs to think Adam is okay. He doesn’t need that worry or guilt hanging over his head, right now he just needs to focus on staying awake.

“Just stay awake,” Hailey says comfortingly and strokes his blood stained cheek with her thumb. 

“We’re gonna move you to the car so we can get you the ER, okay?” Voight says wrapping his scarf tightly around Jay’s wrist. Hailey hadn’t realized he was bleeding from there too. Hank looks to her. “Let’s get him up.”

She nods grimly and gently pulls Jay’s arm over her shoulder; Hank grabs his other arm and together they lift him upright. Jay lets out a pained grunt and clenches his jaws; he looks dazed, more dazed than he did only a couple seconds ago.

“This is my fault,” he mutters as they guide him toward Voight’s car. “I should’ve called you guys.”

“We’ll discuss it later,” Voight replies, his voice as soft as Hailey has ever heard it, but there’s a tinge of masked anger and bereavement. Jay is like a son to him not to mention his most trusted member of the intelligence unit, Hailey knows that, but what’s happened here will have more collateral than just Adam, and Jay’s injuries. Voight’s pissed and he’s doing a monumental job of not showing it.

“I tried to tell Adam,” Jay mumbles, ignoring Voight. “I knew it was a bad idea… I tried to stop him… I should’ve stopped him-”

“Jay, I said we’d talk about it later. After this mess is cleaned up and after I know you’re going to be okay,” Voight snaps, silencing Jay’s ramblings as they ease him into the back seat of the car. 

“I’m sitting back here with him,” Hailey says climbing into the back seat with Jay. It goes without saying really, she’s not leaving his side.

* * *

It’s a flying stop really, probably the fastest pickup and go made in EMS history. Antonio barely has the car stopped before the back door is flung open and the paramedics are pulling Adam onto a backboard. 

“I’m riding with him,” Kevin calls over his shoulder as he hops out of the car keeping his hands pressed again the bulletwounds in Adam's body.

“What have we got?” One of the paramedics asks as they lift the stretcher into the back of the ambulance. Kevin knows he knows her name but he can’t dig it up and right now he doesn’t care enough to try. Adam is bleeding out beneath his hands and the only thing that matters right now is keeping him alive.

“Two GSWs, one to the chest, one to the lower abdomen,” He breathes, his voice quivering. “Please don’t let him die.”

“Brett, you drive. I got this back here,” The paramedic who’s name he can’t care to place orders before her partner can even get in. “Atwater, I need you to put pressure down here.” she says turning her attention to him as the ambulance lurches forward and guides his hand away from Adam’s chest and down to the bullet wound in his stomach. “Take this gauze and pack it on, and don’t relieve pressure until I say so, got it?”

Kevin nods and does as he’s told. I’s only a matter of seconds before blood is soaking through the wads of gauze and covering his hands again. It's hot and sticky and makes him feel sick. He's never been squeamish, but the fact that it's Adam's blood makes all the difference... makes it that much worse.

“This isn’t doing anything,” he chokes looking to the paramedic, Foster he thinks her name is, as she cuts open Adam’s blood soaked shirt.

“Just keep doing what you’re doing,” she replies through gritted teeth and shoves more gauze in his direction with one hand as she sticks defibrillator pads to Adam’s chest with the other.

“Is he-”

“It’s for his vitals,” she says, not shifting her attention from Adam’s chest as she packs gauze onto the bullet hole and presses down.

“Shouldn’t you be doing something?” Kevin demands, his words catching in his throat.

“Just let me do my job,” she snaps back. 

He’s about to clap back when the monitor on the defibrillator starts beeping rapidly.

“Shit,” Foster spits and starts reaching for one of the compartments next to her head.

“What’s happening?” Kevin demands just as the line on the screen goes flat. He doesn’t need an answer anymore. He knows what that means. It means he’s going to lose Adam.

* * *

Kim really has very little idea what’s going on, one second she was out getting lunch and the next Antonio was calling her talking at a hundred words a minute. The whole conversation had lasted only a couple seconds in which he’d info dumped faster than she was able to process and then hung up. She missed about half of what he said, but she got the two key parts: Hospital and Adam. The phrase ‘what you don’t know can’t hurt you’ is of little consequence right now, it’s not knowing that’s killing her. Not knowing has given her imagination the keys to her mind and it’s going for a joy ride- or terror ride. There’s a million possibilities for what could’ve happened, but there’s only one thing she can think of that would make Antonio act the way he had, and that in all of its simplicity is way more terrifying than all the millions of worries flooding her mind.

She’s about to head to the desk to ask what the word is from dispatch, it’s the only thing she can think to do, but she’s cut off by a group of doctors rushing past her as the doors of the ER open for a stretcher being pushed inside. One of the paramedics is kneeling on the stretcher straddling the patient and doing chest compressions while the other is rolling the stretcher in. In all the chaos it takes her a second to pinpoint Atwater moving along next to the stretcher, helping roll it in.

“Kevin?” She questions and steps toward him and the cluster of medical personnel, a strange sense of relief coming over her, the kind of relief backed with nothing but wishes. He wasn’t riding with Adam today which means it can’t be Adam on the stretcher. She almost has herself convinced, then she sees him, and everything inside of her seems to break all once.

“Adam!” She cries and tries to run to his side, but a sturdy arm catches her and pulls her back.

“Kim, Kim stop,” It’s Antonio’s voice breathing in her ear, but she doesn’t register his words.

“No! Adam! No!” She screams and throws her weight against Antonio’s arms as Adam is wheeled past her. The only movement from him is the jerks that are sent through his body with every chest compression, and he’s covered in blood, one arm hanging limply off the stretcher. 

“Kim, hey,” Kevin catches her just as she manages to tear herself free from Antonio’s arms and he pulls her in close to him in a tight hug. She tries for a second to wrestle herself free from him as Adam disappears behind a set of swinging doors, but gives up and falls into his muscular body.

“Tell me he’s gonna be okay,” she sobs, burying her face in his chest. “Please, not him…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> questions? Comments (please)? concerns?


	3. Chapter 3

Hank waits until the waiting medical team assures him they have Jay taken care of before heading to the waiting room to find Dawson and Atwater for an update on Adam. Hailey follows after him reluctantly and keeps glassing over her shoulder at the room they took Jay to. He’s pretty sure he knows what’s coming as he approaches Antonio and Kevin, but he’s praying for a miracle despite it. Adam’s a tough guy, if anyone could survive this, it’s him. 

Atwater whispers something to Burgess as soon as Hank walks into the room and then stands up to meet him. Kim looks sick almost, her face is red and wet from crying and she looks like she’s barely holding it together.

“Hey,” Atwater says in a low tone and stops in front of Hank. His expression is grim and Adam’s blood is still smeared all over his shirt and arms.

“What’s the word on Ruzek?” Hank asks, keeping his voice low as he sneaks another glance at Kim.

Atwater ducks his head and slides his hands into his pockets uncomfortably. “It’s uh…” He glances over his shoulder at Kim before continuing. “It’s not good. Really not good. He coded twice on the ride over and uh… again as we were wheeling him in. They took him straight back to surgery. That’s all I know…” He trails off, “How’s Jay?”

“He lost some blood, but he’ll be fine. They’re patching him up right now,” Hank replies through gritted teeth. The news on Adam is better than he could’ve hoped for, but not good enough to allow him to actually hope. Taking him back to surgery could very well just be a courtesy, calling it in privacy instead of right in front of his friends… his  _ family.  _

“Hey guys,” Will Halstead says quietly as he slips into the waiting area and all the eyes in the room to him.

Hank holds back his urge to swear at the sight of the doctor’s somber face. It’s way too soon for there to be any news on Adam, any good news anyway.

“I’m just here to give you guys an update,” Will says glancing sideways at Hank as if he’d heard his thoughts. “We managed to get him back, but the bullets did a lot of damage, but we've got our best people on it and they're doing everything they can for him...”

“But it’s not looking good,” Hank says, finishing for him.

Will purses his lips. “No, it’s not looking good, but he’s a fighter. And he’s in good hands.”

“Sergeant Voight, Detective Halstead is insisting to speak with you,” A nurse says, poking her head around the corner.

Voight had been hoping for a little more time to cool off before talking to Jay, but he’s had enough delaying the inevitable. 

“Excuse me,” He says to Will, excusing himself from the room to follow the nurse to Jay.

***

Hailey waits a couple seconds after Voight leaves the room to excuse herself as well and follow him from a distance to Jay’s room just in case she needs to stand in as a buffer for the two. She doesn’t follow her boss into the room, instead she parks herself outside the door where she can listen in unnoticed.

“How’s Ruz?” Jay asks, his voice is so weak Hailey can barely hear it. He sounds exhausted and scared, and it makes her heart ache for him.

“It’s touch and go right now, but he’s hanging in there,” Comes Voight’s reply, and it’s none too gentle.

“I’m sorry,” Jay mumbles.

“I just don’t understand what happened,” Voight replies, his voice getting harsh and snappy. “What the hell were you two doing?”

“We were going to meet some kid that called Adam about the case,” Jay says, his tone thick with regret and misery.

“And you didn’t think to call me? I said I wanted to be kept in the loop on  _ everything  _ in this case and I meant it, Halstead,” Hank barks.

“Adam told me not to,” Jay mutters. “He wouldn’t let me. Me going with him was pushing it-”

“Is Ruzek your boss?”

“Sarg-”

“No,” Voight shouts, and it startles Hailey. “Answer the damn question.”

“No,” Jay says, his voice hollow.

“No! I am, and  _ I  _ told you to update me on everything as it happens. Ruzek might not be the green idiot kid we pulled out of the academy anymore, but he sure as hell doesn’t have seniority over you. You outrank him, and when I put you two together for this case I put _you_ in charge. Not Adam!”

“I’m sorry-”

“It’s my job to keep you guys alive and safe and I can’t do that if you don’t keep me in the loop! and run off like two half cocked idiots!” 

Hailey’s heard enough, and she knows Jay has too. He already thinks this is all his fault and Voight isn’t making things better, and she’s not going to let him use Jay to vent all his anger on anymore.

“Hey boss, Atwater and Dawson want to talk to you,” Hailey says poking her head in the room and giving the open door a little knock. She makes brief eye contact with Jay who’s looking at her like he wants to die. All his pain and misery and guilt is parading across his face.

“Tell them I’m busy,” Voight grunts not turning around to face her.

“Boss,” Hailey says firmly. “Take a walk.”

This gets his attention and he turns his glare on her, but she only squares up and jerks her head toward the hallway. “You need to cool off.” 

Voight is a force to be reckoned with when he's angry, but when it comes to Jay, so is she.

He mutters something under his breath but doesn’t argue as he leaves the room, pushing past her as he goes.

“This is all my fault,” Jay sighs and leans his head back against the pillow. “I had a bad feeling about it and I didn’t tell anyone where we were going.”

“Did you try to talk him out of it?” Hailey asks softly and sits down in the chair next to Jay’s hospital bed.

“Yeah but I didn’t.”

“But you were also there for him. If you hadn’t gone with him he’d be lying alone and dead in that parking lot. Maybe you had a lapse in judgment in not calling any of us, but this isn’t your fault. Adam chose to go there and it got him shot. That’s not on you. You being there gave him a fighting chance. We all know how Adam is. He would've gone with or without you."

“But Voight-”

“It doesn’t matter what he said. He’s a hot head and right now he’s boiling over with emotions because he thought he was going to lose you and he still might lose Adam. He's scared, and he's the boss so he feels responsible too. When his head’s clear he’ll know this isn’t your fault,” Hailey says sternly and gently squeezes Jay’s hand trying her best to comfort him. He’s always been hard to crack even at his weakest but right now he’s beyond cracked, he’s devastated… shattered. “It wasn’t fair for him to throw that on you. This isn’t your fault.”

“What if he dies?” Jay chokes, his crystal blue eyes starting to water.

“Hey, don’t even go there,” Hailey says firmly. The same fear is lurking in her mind as well, but she’s not going to let Jay succumb to it. “He’s gonna be fine.”

“Hailey,” Jay says and looks her in the eyes. “I don’t need someone to lie to me right now.”

“Jay-”

“No, listen. I’m scared, you trying to tell me not to be isn’t going to change that. I just need to know I’m not alone.”

Hailey sighs. She doesn't want to admit it out loud, doing that will make it real, but for Jay she'll voice her fears. “Okay Jay, I’m scared too.”

“Thanks,” Jay whispers and closes his eyes.

Hailey stays by his side as he drifts off to sleep. She doesn’t have anywhere better to be. Someone will come tell her if there are any developments with Adam. Besides someone should stay with Jay. So why not her?

“Hey, Upton-,” Antonio calls poking his head into the room.

“Shhh,” she hisses, whipping her head around to silence him. “He’s sleeping.”

“Oh, sorry,” Antonio says lowering his voice to a hoarse whisper. “I gotta ask him some questions. Voight thought it’d be better if I took his statement so he doesn’t end up… ya know.”

“Do you really have to do it right now? He just fell asleep,” She says pleadingly. 

“It can wait,” Antonio says with a sigh. “You wanna go poke around the scene with me? Voight said if I found someone to go with me, I could go. I want to get a good look around before the place is crawling with techs and uniforms.”

Hailey casts a sideways glance at Jay before looking back at Antonio; she doesn’t especially want to leave his side or the hospital for that matter. 

“Why don’t you take Atwater?”

“Nah, he’s keeping Burgess from losing her mind, and Voight wants to stay close,” Antonio replies. “Besides if Jay’s asleep there’s no point you just sitting around doing nothing, not when we could be figuring this mess out.”

“Fine,” Hailey agrees and follows Antonio out of the room. She cast one last sidelong glance at Jay as she goes.

***

“Be careful around the scene,” Antonio says as they step out of the car into the cold biting air at the old warehouse. “There’s snow on the ground so footprints can tell us a lot about what happened here.”

“It’s not my first day on the job,” Upton reminds him, pulling on a pair of plastic gloves.

“Let’s start with retracing their steps,” Antonio suggests, he needs to get at least some feel for what happened. Right now all he really knows is that two of his friends were shot and one of them might not make it. He needs a why, a how, details. 

Upton just nods and heads toward Jay's car sitting in the vacant parking lot. Antonio walks farther out following the tracks leading away from the car. There are three clear paths. The two sets of deep footprints leading toward the building that stop about 20 feet from the truck, and the third which is a long drag mark smeared with blood leading back to the car.

“This is where Adam got shot,” Antonio calls to Hailey, stopping where the drag mark begins at a puddle of frozen blood clumped up in the snow.

“He got shot twice, right?” Hailey asks walking around the car.

“Yeah, lower abdomen and chest,” Antonio replies. “What are you thinking?”

“Our dead guy over there only has a handgun,” She says walking over to him. “It wouldn’t have gone through his vest, and he never walked around the car. The only tracks leading from the car are Jay's, Adam's, and yours. If Adam was standing there,” she points to where Antonio is standing. “The dead guy over there wouldn’t be able to shoot him. The car’s in the way. And again, the bullet wouldn’t have gone through his vest.”

Antonio frowns and scans the surrounding area. “So he gets shot here with something much bigger than a pistol and Jay drags him back behind the car-” He stops talking and takes notice of the bullet holes in the side of the car for the first time. “Hang on.”

Upton follows him over to Jay's car to examine the bullet holes closer.

“Those are big,” she mumbles and glances over at him.

He nods grimly. “Large caliber rifle rounds.”

“Which means…”

“More than one shooter,” Antonio says slowly and turns to face the massive warehouse beginning to cast a shadow across the snowy parking lot. Two shooters, and one dead guy. He doesn’t even have to say it out loud. The second person is still out there somewhere and they need to find him. “We need to call Voight and we need to get back to the hospital and talk to Jay.”

“I’ll call in the crime scene techs,” Hailey says reaching into her pocket for her phone.

It probably should’ve been done much sooner than now, but now that they know there’s a second shooter out there the stakes are higher. They need everyone on this now.

Antonio nods and makes his call Voight.

“What do you got?” Voight says as soon as he answers.

“Uh, yeah, we have a problem, boss,” Antonio says, glancing up at the warehouse again. “There was a second shooter.”

“What?” Voight hisses on the other end.

“My best guess is there was someone stationed up in the warehouse with a high power rifle,” Antonio replies. “Upton is calling in the techs to come work their magic on the scene, and we’re heading back to talk to Jay. This was planned, so there’s gotta be a reason. Is there any word on Adam?”

“He’s still in surgery,” Voight says with a heavy sigh. “ But no news is good news right now. You two hurry back here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> questions? comments (please)? concerns?
> 
> (I'd also like to say thanks to all the people who have been commenting. you guys make me happy to be a writer!)


	4. Chapter 4

_ “You’re just collateral.” _

Jay sits up with a gasp and looks around his dimly lit hospital room, his mind racing. In the heat of the moment he really hadn’t had time to think about it or put the pieces together.  _ “You’re just collateral.”  _ The guy had said it plain as day. He was collateral and Adam was the one he wanted dead. Why Adam? What was the connection? Worse still, there had been two shooters and one of them is still out there. Jay clenches his teeth and pulls the monitor stickers off his body and swings his legs out of bed. He’s gotta tell someone, now. Someone wants Adam dead and they're still out there. He’s not entirely sure Voight will listen to him right now or that he won’t bite his head off again, but he has to tell him.

He almost falls over as he puts weight on his legs and the blood rushes to his head; he grips the side of the bed tightly in one hand to steady himself before stumbling to the door of his room. Each step as he works his way toward the waiting room jostles his shoulder and makes it ache, but he presses on.

“What the hell are you doing up?” Voight demands, doing a double-take as Jay stumbles into the waiting room.

“They wanted Adam,” He gasps, his little walk to the waiting room made him more out of breath than he thought it would.

“What?” Voight says dropping his hands to his side, a look of confusion coming across his face.

“I didn’t remember it at first,” Jay pants looking from Voight to Atwater who’s standing up, keeping one hand in Kim’s. “But I was sleeping and then- One of the shooters, the one that shot me, he said I was collateral… and that- that Adam was the one he wanted.”

“Jay, what are you doing up?!” Hailey calls from behind him and he glances over his shoulder at her before looking back at Voight.

“You’re sure?”

“I’m positive,” Jay says firmly, holding his boss’s gaze. “Where’s Will?”

“Right here,” Will says walking into the room. “Why the hell aren’t you in your room? I went in there to check on you and you were gone.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Jay says locking gazes with his little brother. “Do you know everyone in the OR with Ruzek?”

“Yeah…” Will says, cocking his head inquisitively.

“You’re sure,” Jay says, taking a half step forward. “All of them? You trust them?”

“Yes, Jay, I’m sure. Why?” Will asks looking around the room for answers. "what the hell's going on?

“Because someone’s trying to kill him. He was a target. They didn’t just shoot him because he was the person who happened to show up.”

“Oh,” Will says, his eyes widening, “And you think someone here might be in on it?”

“We don’t know anything for sure,” Voight speaks up before Jay can open his mouth. “Jay just wanted to make sure Adam’s in good hands.”

“The best, but do we need to be worried about this? Someone coming into the hospital to try to kill him?” Will demands looking from Jay to Voight, his blue eyes serious and determined. “Do we need to be checking people as they come in?”

“What type of security is there going back to the OR?” Voight ask, beating Jay to the question.

“You have to have a key card or staff passcode,” Will replies, shifting his feet. Jay can tell he’s getting nervous. “Only authorized personnel can get back there.”

“Good, and we’ll get some uniforms at the door to keep tabs on people coming in and out of the ER,” Voight says, and Jay catches the sideways glance he throws in his direction. “And you should go back to bed.”

“No way,” Jay snaps. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“At least sit down,” Will says gesturing toward one of the waiting room chairs.

“Since when are you the boss of me?” Jay retorts. He’s not ready to sit down, his heart is still racing and he feels like pacing to make the nervous energy boiling over inside of him die down.

“Since I’m you’re doctor,” Will snaps. “Now shut up and sit your ass down.”

Jay opens his mouth to argue, offended by his little brother’s bluntness, but Hailey interrupts him.

“Jay, just sit down,” she says gently, stepping close to him. “You need to at least try to relax.”

Jay glares at Will but does as he’s told.

***

It doesn’t take Will long to figure out that he and Sergeant Voight have a very different definition of “a couple”, within a good 20 minutes of their conversation about someone potentially coming into the hospital to kill Ruzek the place is absolutely swarmed with uniformed officers. He can’t really blame him for being so careful. One of his guys is down and probably won’t make it and there’s someone out there who’s still gunning for him. There’s very little about this scenario that’s within Voight’s control, but all these officers here is something he can control. Will doesn’t know the guy well, but he knows he needs this.

“Any word yet?” Jay asks, stopping Will as he walks past him.

“No, no word yet,” Will replies looking down at his brother who still looks quite displeased about having to sit in a chair. “You guys will be the first to know when there’s an update. Okay?”

“Excuse me, Dr. Holstead?” A woman says approaching him.

“Ms. Turner, right?” Will says turning his attention away from Jay. “I need you to go sit back down in the other waiting room, okay? Someone will be with you soon.”

“I just want to know what’s going on,” She replies glancing around nervously at all the police officers in the vicinity. “Is there something I need to be worried about?”

“No, there’s just an officer in surgery and all these people want to make sure he’s safe,” Will replies.

“Oh,” the woman says and her gaze shifts to Jay and she frowns.

“Ma’am, let’s go back to the waiting room,” Will says, reaching to guide her out across the hospital floor, but she moves quicker. She reaches out lightning quick and grabs his wrist in a clamp like grip and pulls his body in front of hers as she twists his arm behind his back.

“Woah! Hey!” Will cries as the cold round barrel of a gun presses against his side.

“Will!” Jay shouts and springs to his feet, everyone else in the room has their guns out in a matter of seconds.

“Nobody move or I blow his guts out!” The woman shouts and pulls Will back toward the doors leading to the surgery wing. “Lower your guns, NOW!”

“Will!” Jay cries and takes a half step forward.

“Don’t come any closer!” The woman warns and presses the gun harder against Will’s ribs sending a shiver down his spine.

“Jay it’s okay,” Will says, forcing calm into his voice.

“Lady, drop your gun and let the doctor go,” Voight warns.

“Tell your people to lower their guns!” She shouts.

“That’s not going to happen,” Voight replies firmly.

“Get us through these doors,” The woman hisses in Will’s ears.

Will swallows hard. If she’s the one here for Ruzek, and if he lets her through the doors she’ll get him and probably kill everyone else in the operating room.

“I can’t do that,” Will says evenly.

“Do it or I’ll kill you,” she warns.

“No you won’t,” Will replies taking a deep breath. “You need me to get through those doors and as soon as you drop me, all these people will shoot you.”

“Then open the damn door!” the woman shouts.

“No-”

“Then what if I shoot one of them?” She snarls in his ear quiet enough so he’s the only one who can hear her. “How about the one you were just talking to?”

Jay is the only one in the room who doesn’t have a gun and isn’t wearing a vest. He’s also already been shot twice today and he probably won’t be as lucky if he gets hit a third time.

“Jay, you should probably think about leaving the room,” Wills says cautiously, looking his big brother in the eye.

“Not on your life,” Jay spits and takes another step forward.

“Open the door or I’ll shoot him,” the woman hisses.

He has no doubt in his mind that she’ll do it. 

“Okay,” Will breathes and slides his card through its slot to unlock the door.

“Will! What the hell are you doing?!” Jay shouts as the woman drags him through the doors. They slam shut behind them, cutting them off from the room of armed cops.

“Why are you doing this?” Will asks as the woman shoves him forward down the hall.

“None of your damn business,” She snaps. “Just take me to the OR and get me in.”

“You don’t have a bargaining chip anymore,” Will says and stops walking. He can’t let this woman anywhere near the OR or Ruzek for that matter.

“Then I’ll shoot you and I’ll just kill everyone I find until I get what I want.”

Will’s never been shot before, it’s something he’s always hoped he’d get to avoid in life, but right now that little wish is looking unlikely. Leading this woman to the OR out of the question. She has to be stopped, and right now Will’s the only one around to do it. He knows it’s a stupid idea, trying to fight a woman with a gun who’s out for blood, but he doesn’t have any other option.

“Look, let’s just talk about this,” Will says and turns to face the woman. There’s no conviction in her brown eyes. If she has the chance to shoot, she will.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” she hisses and points the gun in his face. “You’re no help so we’re done talking.”

Will clenches his jaws and dives forward, knocking the gun to one side with one hand as he tackles the woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> questions? comments (please)? Concerns?


	5. Chapter 5

“Jay, stay back,” Voight orders as one of the doctors swipes their key card through the slot.

“You’re crazy,” Jay says and pushes his way through the double doors before anyone can stop him. There’s no way he’s sitting back and doing nothing while there’s a crazy woman with a gun to his brother’s head on the other side of these doors. He’s barely made it through the doors when a gunshot rings out, echoing down the corridor making his blood run cold.

“Will!” He shouts and takes off at run. He can hear the rest of his team scrambling to get through the door behind, but he doesn’t wait for them. He doesn’t care if he doesn’t have gun or vest, Will doesn’t either. He races around the corner, heart pounding in his throat, his injuries throbbing. Will is on the floor and the woman is on top of him with her hands at his throat. The gun is laying on the ground only two feet away. 

“Hey!” Jay shouts and tackles the woman off his kid brother. The force of his body hitting hers jolts his shoulder and he can feel some of his stitches ripping, but he doesn’t care. The only thing that matters is making sure she can’t hurt Will.

“I got her,” Voight says sliding to the ground next to Jay and pulling her arm behind her back to cuff it.

Jay takes that as his okay to get up and check on Will who’s sitting up coughing weakly.

“Hey man, are you okay?” Jay asks looking frantically over his brother for any signs of injury. “I heard the gun- are you hit?”

“No, I’m fine,” Will wheezes and rubs his throat. “The gun went off when I tackled her.”

“You tackled her? What the hell were you thinking, Will?” Jay scolds. “She had a  _ gun _ !”

“It was either that or lead her to Adam-”

“You’re an idiot,” Jay breathes and grabs Will, pulling him into a tight hug. “A total idiot.”

“Jay, I’m fine,” Will says, his voice muffled by Jay’s shoulder.

“Shut up and let me hug you,” Jay says, refusing to release his brother from his grip.

“Seriously,” Will argues and pulls himself free from Jay’s grip. “I’m f- Jay your bleeding!”

Jay glances down at his shoulder, and sure enough there’s blood soaking through his hospital gown.

“It’s fine,” Jay breathes and glances over at Voight and Hailey who are halling the woman to her feet. Her eyes are a blaze pure fury.

“I’ll kill him! I’ll find him and kill him! This isn’t going to stop me!” She screams as they shove her toward the exit.

Jay watches them go and then letting out a shaky sigh leans forward and rests his forehead against Will’s chest. Adam had been nothing more than an afterthought after that lady had grabbed Will, nothing else had mattered.

“I thought she shot you.”

“I’m okay,” Will promises gently and wraps his arms around Jay. “Let’s go patch up your shoulder, yeah?”

Jay nods mutley and lets Will guide him back to his feet.

“And you’re going to stay in your bed,” Will adds.

Jay doesn’t bother trying to argue. He’s too tired, in fact he’s not even completely sure he’s going to make it back to his room without passing out again.

“Please never do that again,” He says leaning his weight against Will as they walk down the hallway.

“I’ll try my very best.”

“Hey, Jay are you okay?” Hailey asks, walking back to them, leaving Voight and the woman with some uniformed officers.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jay replies. “I just popped a couple stitches.”

“That’s what you get for running off like a crazy man to fight an armed perpetrator with nothing but your bare fists,” Hailey jokes and ruffles his hair lovingly.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

“Don’t worry, he’s being ordered to stay in bed now,” Will teases. “He’s had enough excitement fro one day.”

“We’ll cuff him there if we have to-” Hailey trails off as Dr. Rhodes steps into the room with a grim look on his face. The whole room comes to a standstill as all eyes turn to him. The question hangs in the air, everyone wondering the same thing, but all of them too scared to ask… too scared of the answer.

It’s will who finally breaks the silence of the room and voices the previously unspoken question. “How is he?” Jay can hear the crack in his brother’s voice.

“He’s alive,” Rhodes says quietly, but there’s a kind of resignation in his voice that Jay doesn’t like. He also doesn’t like the fact that everyone in the room except for Will breath a sigh of relief. There’s something not being said, he knows it and Will knows it.

“But?” Will says, prompting Connor to keep talking.

The surgeon glances over at Will before taking a deep breath and continuing. “But there were complications.”

“What kind of complications?” Kim asks, speaking for the first time since Jay’s been at the hospital.

“He’s being put in ICU on life support,” Rhodes explains. “And there’s a distinct possibility that there will be brain damage from this, but we won’t know about that until he wake up.”

Jay shakes his head in confusion. “What the hell do you mean, brain damage? None of those bullets were anywhere near his brain!”

“Jay,” Will says quietly. “He lost a lot of blood.”

“The hell’s that got to do with anything?” Jay demands. He’s sure somewhere deep down he knows what the correlation between brain damage and blood loss is, but he can’t place it right now. “He didn’t hit his head. He can’t have brain damage!”

“Brain damage can happen due to blood loss because not enough oxygen gets to the brain. That and his heart stopped a couple times,” Will explains gently.

“No, this can’t be happening,” Jay spits. “This- just no.”

“Jay-”

“I need some air,” Jay says shaking his head and heading for the door. Voight had been right, this is all his fault. He’d let Adam talk him into not calling for back up, he let them walk into that trap, and worse than that he’d opened Adam’s vest before he was sure it was safe to do so. He should’ve waited, he should’ve put Adam in the back seat of the car and high tailed it out of there. If he’d done that none of this would be happening.

“Jay wait!” Will calls after him, but he ignores his brother’s plea and pushes his way outside into the fridged air. It doesn’t even bother him.

***

“Let me go get him,” Hailey says, stopping Will as he tries to follow his brother. “He’ll listen to me.”

“But-”

“Trust me,” Hailey says and ducks around the doctor to follow Jay outside.

“Jay!” She calls to him as she runs after him down the sidewalk.

“I don’t want to talk,” He replies bitterly and refuses to look at her as she slows down next to him. She doesn’t need him to say anything outloud to know what he’s thinking.

“Then don’t. I just wanted to give you a coat and make sure you don’t pass out, out here,” she says and throws her coat over his shoulders.

“This is all my fault,” Jay mumbles, pulling her coat tighter around him.

Hailey’s been Jay’s partner for a long time, and in that time she’s learned when to argue with him and when to just shut up and listen and let him get his feelings out. Now is time for the latter.

“I was supposed to have his back, to-to take care of him,” Jay continues. “We should’ve never been there, but I didn’t stop him and now he’s hurt and he might not even make it… What if he doesn’t make it?”

“He’s going to make it,” Hailey says gently. For most of the day she hasn’t been sure if he will or not, but he’s made it this far. He’s too stubborn to die now. “He’ll be fine.”

“But what about the brain damage?” Jay mutters keeping his gaze on the ground.

“Nah,” Hailey says trying to sound more upbeat and lighthearted. “There’s no brain in that head of his to get damaged.”

Jay snorts and shakes his head, she can tell he’s trying not to laugh. “You’re awful…”

“Because I know he’s going to be okay,” Hailey says gently and gives Jay’s hand a little squeeze. “Now let’s go back inside so you’re brother can patch you back up.”

Jay shakes his head and pulls his hand away from hers. “I can’t stand it in there.”

“Jay-”

“No, Hailey. I’m not going back in there.”

“So, what? You’re going to freeze your ass off out here?” Hailey demands and stops walking. “And you’re still bleeding!”

“It’s fine- I’m fine,” Jay replies, turning to face her. “But I’m not going back in there. I can’t. And I can’t lose Ruz.”

“And what? Hiding out here is going to stop that from happening?” Hailey demands.

“No, but this is my fault. They all know it, I know it, and no one wants me in there,” Jay replies, starting to get worked up, or more worked up. She can see his eyes starting to water, and not just from the stinging cold air.

“Bullshit, man,” she retorts, and her voice cracks. She’s been trying her best the past few hours to stay strong for Jay, be an emotional sounding board for him, but she’s tired and she’s scared and her chest aches from keeping it together.

“No, no one needs me in there,” Jay argues.

“I do!” The words explode from her mouth before she even thinks about it. “I do, Jay. I’m tired, and I’m scared and  _ angry _ , and I don’t know what the hell is going to happen. I’m trying to keep it together for you, but I just can’t... I need you, Jay.”

Concern floods Jay’s face as Hailey finally gives up on holding flood gates closed and lets the tears come.

“Okay,” he says gently and carefully wraps his arms around her. “I’m right here for you.”

She feels bad for throwing all that on him, she hadn’t even meant to say any of that outloud. It had just come out. Jay needs her and she’s fizzled out.

“I’m sorry,” She whispers and buries her face in his uninjured shoulder.

“Hey, shhh,” Jay breathes and rests his chin on the top of her head as he holds the back of her neck. “I’m right here.”

Neither of them say anything else about Adam. Hailey had tried so hard, almost succeeded even, to convince herself he’d be okay, but it’s just not realistic and she can’t lie to herself or Jay anymore, no matter how badly she wants to.

***

The walk from the waiting room to Adam’s room in ICU is the longest walk Kim has ever made before in her life. She can’t stop herself from dragging her feet as she follows Will down the corridor, she wants to see Adam and be there with him, she really does, but at the sametime she doesn’t want to. She’s not sure what to expect and she’s scared, scared for him, scared of what she might lose, and scared of what she’s going to find at the end of this trek. She wishes more than anything she didn’t have to do this alone, but the doctors had said only one person in the room at a time and the decision to let her be with him first had been unanimous.

“Are you okay?” Will asks stopping and looking back at her.

She hadn’t even realized she’d stopped walking. “Yeah, I just…”

Will gives her a sad half smile and walks back to her. “It’s okay.”

“Is it?” She asks and hunches her shoulders. “I’m just a little…”

“Scared?” Will asks knowingly.

She nods unable to admit it out loud. She doesn’t feel like talking, and she feels like if she talks too much she’ll just end up crying in the middle of this hospital hallway.

“That’s okay, normal even,” Will says comfortingly and takes her hand in his. “Come on, he’s right in here.” he gestures to the next door in front of them.

Kim swallows and gives him a little nod of gratitude. “I think I’m going to wait out here a little while, if that’s okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” Will says kindly and gives her shoulder a comforting squeeze. “Take your time, and I’ll be down the hall if you need me.”

“You're leaving?” Kim asks, trying not to sound completely pitiful. But of course he’s leaving, he has better things to do than stand here while she drags her heels and beats around the bush trying to avoid something she wants to do.

“I’m sorry,” he says earnestly. “But I’ve gotta go.”

She nods. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine on my own I guess.”

“Okay,” Will replies and pats her shoulder on his way past her. He stops after a couple steps and turns back around. “And Burgess, this’ll mean a lot to him when he wakes up.”

When… what a hopeful word. She herself hasn’t been able make herself actually use let alone think the word. In her mind it’s still  _ if. If  _ he wakes up,  _ if  _ he survives,  _ if  _ he recovers. She wants to be hopeful but the only thing in her mind is doubt and fear.

She stands outside the door, unsure if she wants to open it, simply trying to find the inner strength to walk in and face one of her greatest fears. She loves him, she has for a long time, she’s said it a few times, but not in a long time. She’s let it go unsaid for so long and she’s let him think she doesn’t anymore. It takes her a painfully long time to come to the conclusion that the only thing for her to do is open the door and walk in. It’s the hardest thing she’s ever done. Her arm feels like it’s covered in lead weights as she reaches up and closes her hand around the cold metal nob and turns it. The door opens slowly leaving nothing between her and Adam.

She’s not exactly sure what she was expecting to see, but somehow it isn’t this. He looks normal, pale yes, but pretty much just like he always does. She takes a couple cautious steps forward, keeping her eyes on his still body; the only movement is the shallow rise and fall of his chest with the clicks of the breathing machine. 

“Hey,” she whispers and slips down into the chair next to the bed. She knows there’s really no point in talking, he’s unresponsive and heavily sedated, but it feels wrong not to say anything. She carefully slides her hand under his being careful not to accidentally bump the IV running into the top of his hand or monitor clipped to his finger. 

“They said you’re going to be okay,” she lies and slides her thumb up and down the side of his warm hand. Maybe if he somehow hears her telling him he’s okay then he’ll believe it and he really will be okay. It’s a silly notion, but there’s nothing better to say or do. “You’ll wake up, and everything’ll be okay.” She promises and gently holds his hand against her face. “You’re going to get better and Voight’ll yell at you for being reckless, but that’s okay because you’ll be okay, and that’s all that matters.” Tears begin to sting her eyes, and no matter how hard she tries to keep them back, they just keep coming until they’re streaming down her cheeks. A quiet sob escapes her lips as she buries her face in his hand. “Please be okay, Adam. Please…”

His hand moves slightly, and his fingers close a little so he’s gently squeezing her hand.

“Adam?” Kim questions looking up at his face for any sign of him waking up, but it remains stone still, his eyelids still resting shut. “Hey, I’m right here. Come back to me, please.”

His fingers close a little tighter around her hand. She can hardly believe it, this is more than she’d even allowed herself to hope for. He might not be awake, but he’s moving and at least a little aware of her presence.

“I’m right here,” she repeats and leans forward resting her head on the bed next to him. She keeps one hand in his and reaches up with the other to gently run it through his soft hair. “And I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

She’s just let her eyes slip closed when Adam flinches and his grip tightens around her hand so hard it hurts.

“Adam?” She sits up alarmed as his body twitches a second time, this time it’s followed by a choking sound and he twists his head. He chokes again and the machine next to him monitoring his heart rate begins beeping loudly as the numbers begin to drop rapidly.

“Adam!” She cries desperately and cups his cheek in her hand. “Adam, stay with me. Hey-”

“What happened?” Will is the first one in the room.

“I- I don’t know! He started choking or something- I don’t know!” she cries desperately, keep her eyes glued on Adam’s face, one hand cupped around his cheek. This can’t be happening, he was going to get better. “Adam, baby stay with me!”

“I need a crash cart in here, stat!” Will calls to the nurse who’s halfway through the door, before turning his gaze to Kim. “Kim, I need you to go back to the waiting room.”

“I’m not leaving him,” She argues just as the line on the screen goes flat.

“Now!” Will shouts.

Kim doesn’t move, even if she wanted to she doesn’t think she actually could. She can’t make herself budge.

“One of you guys get her out of here!” Will calls to the nurses who are beginning to flood the room.

Before she can react, one of them is grabbing her and pulling her away from Adam.

“No!” She protests and pulls against the arms dragging her back. She can’t leave him, he needs her and she needs to be with him. “Let me go! Adam! Adam please!”

“You have to let them work,” the nurse says through gritted teeth as he hauls her out into the hallway and closes the door behind them. “He’s in good hands, but they need space.”

“Please, I need to be in there with him,” Kim pleads as the nurse guides her down the hallway. “Please, I can’t leave him…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> questions? comments (please)? Concerns (other than my horrible lack of editing)?


	6. Chapter 6

Hank, Antonio, and Kevin have all left and gone back to the station to play hard ball with the woman who shot Adam and tried to finish the job. Hailey had opted to stay behind with Jay who, while not being officially released from the hospital, had managed to argue his way out of being put in a bed. It’d taken some convincing, but Hailey had backed him up, so now the two of them are sitting in the waiting room. Jay’s not really sure what they’re waiting for. Adam’s out of surgery and Kim is taking the first turn sitting with him, and knowing her she’ll be there until he wakes up which won’t be for a while. So there’s not really much to wait for. Hailey’s drifted off to sleep so it’s just him, sitting quietly with his partner tucked up close next to him with her head leaned in the crook of his neck. For the first time all day he’s managed to find some sense of calm and peace. He closes his eyes and lets his cheek rest against the top of Hailey’s head. He’s almost asleep when the sound of Kim shouting slices through the drowsy haze that’s fallen over him. He sits ups and accidently wakes Hailey up in the process as a nurse drags a kicking and protesting Kim through the doors.

“Let me back there!” She protests throwing herself against the struggling nurse’s arms. “I need to be with him.

“Woah, hey, what’s going on?” Jay asks, spring up from his chair and going over to Kim. Hailey is still blinking herself awake. “Kim, hey, what happened?” He asks, guiding her away from the nurse. Her eyes are streaked with tears and all her shouting and protesting aside, he can tell there’s something wrong. Her eyes say it all. “Kim?”

“I don’t know,” she chokes and face plants in his injured shoulder. He barely manages to conceal his grunt as the pain flares up again.

“Okay,” Jay says gently and begins guiding Kim to one of the chairs.

“Kim, sweetie, what happened?” Hailey asks, looking from Jay to her friend and back up to him.

“He was doing fine one second and then he just-” Kim breaks off and continues crying into Jay’s shoulder. “They wouldn’t let me stay…”

“Shhh,” Hailey says gently and rubs Burgess’s shoulders gently. “He’s in good hands. Will will take care of him-”

“Everyone keeps saying that!” Kim spits and stands up, pulling away from them. “But then this happened! And he’s not getting better! And everyone keeps pretending he’s going to be okay, but he isn’t and everyone thinks he’s going to die! And they’re right because his heart  _ just keeps stopping! _ ”

“Kim-” Jay tries to argue with her, even though she’s right. Maybe a couple minutes ago things were looking good, and he was thinking positively but she’s right. Adam’s heart has stopped too many times for there to not be any long lasting damage, a couple times on the way over, a couple times in surgery, and now this, and there’s no evidence that things are improving. In fact they’re probably getting worse, each time they have to revive him it’s putting more stress on the organ, and probably making it weaker.

“Tell me you think he’s going to be fine,” Kim snaps, interrupting him before he can try to convince of her some lie. “Look me in the eyes and say it!”

Jay lets his gaze fall to the floor and he shakes his head.

“You’re right,” Hailey says, and it takes Jay by surprise. “Okay? You’re right. Adam got shot in the chest and stomach and it did all kinds of damage, damage they probably can’t fix, and he’s probably going to die. Is that what you want to hear?”

Kim looks utterly shocked by Hailey’s outburst and opens and closes her mouth, Jay himself is trying not let his jaw fall open.

“We’re all scared, and we’re all miserable, and we all love him,” Hailey continues, her voice getting gentler. “And we’re trying to hang onto whatever piece of hope is left, even if it doesn’t make sense or even if we don’t really believe it. Maybe we should be voicing our fear, maybe it’s easier to lie to each other. I don’t know. Nothing about this is easy, but we’re here for you and we’re hear for Adam. And none of us are ready to let him go.”

Kim’s lip quivers and then she steps forward and wraps her arms around Hailey.

“I don’t want him to die.”

“I know,” Hailey whispers and rocks her gently as they stand embracing each other. 

Jay sits back in his chair and closes his eyes. He wishes more than anything that this was a dream and that he’d blink himself awake from it any second now. That’s the only way Adam’s going to make it.

“I’m going to go get us all some coffee and call Voight,” Hailey says, breaking apart from Kim’s embrace. Kim nods and sits back down next to Jay.

“Sorry I yelled at you,” She says, sitting back and looking over at him. Her eyes are hollow with exhaustion and fear.

“Nah,” Jay shrugs. He can’t blame her for losing her cool; they all seem to be hanging on by their last thread of sanity right now. “Don’t worry about it.”

Kim smiles slightly and leans her head back against the wall.

“He asked for you, you know?” Jay says quietly, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.

“What?” Kim says lifting her head and opening her eyes to look at Jay.

“I don’t know,” he shrugs. He’s not really sure if telling her the last word out of Adam’s mouth, maybe ever, was her name is the best idea. His first instinct was that maybe it’d somehow make her feel better, but now he’s really not sure. It might just make her start crying again. 

“Jay, you have to tell me,” Kim urges grabbing his hand in hers. “What did he say to you?”

“It wasn’t really  _ to  _ me,” Jay replies. “It was when I was trying to keep him awake… right before he passed out. He said you’re name. I guess he thought, or well wanted probably, for it to be you with him, not me.”

Kim covers her mouth with one hand, her eyes starting to water. “Jay…”

“It was the last thing he said,” Jay says softly and rests his chin on his hands, propping his head up. “He was always crazy about you. I’m sorry Kim.”

“I messed up, didn’t I?” She says quietly letting her gaze fall to the floor.

“I don’t know,” Jay sighs, rubbing her back. “Sometimes things just don’t work out the way we want, and it’s not anyone’s fault. It sucks, but that’s just how it is.”

“Hey guys,” Will says, announcing his presence as he walks into the room and heads in their direction.

“What happened?” Jay asks, standing up to greet his brother whose eyebrows are creased with stress and worry.

“We were able to revive him,” Will starts, and glances over at Kim who is looking at him with such intensity. “But we ran some tests and did some scans, and a bleed opened up close to his heart and he’s being prepped for surgery right now.”

“Can he survive that?” Kim asks anxiously. Jay knows what she’s thinking; he’s already been through so much today and so much stress has been exerted on his body that anymore surgery could be it.

“We don’t have a choice,” Will says grimmly. “I’m sorry.”

Will stands in front of them for a couple seconds before dismissing himself with a small head nod and heads for the hallway.

“I’ll be right back,” Jay says to Kim and runs after his brother. “Will wait.”

Will stops and turns around. He looks almost disappointed that Jay stopped him, like he’d been hoping to just slip away. “Yeah?”

“What are his chances here?” Jay asks, searching his brother’s eyes.

“Jay, don’t-”

“No, I want to know. Is he gonna make it?” Jay insists.

Will clenches his jaw and glances across the room at Kim before taking a deep breath and replying. “He’s in really bad shape, Jay. Even before this bleed opened up. He’s exhausted and this is a hard surgery.”

“What are you saying?” Jay presses.

Will sighs and purses his lips. “I’m saying that if his heart stops again, I don’t think they’re going to be able to get him back. We barely got him last time. I’m sorry Jay. Really it’s a miracle he’s made it this long.”

“Thanks,” Jay manages to choke.

“Hey,” Will says gently and squeezes his shoulder. “This isn’t over yet.”

***

“Boss, we have an update from the hospital,” Antonio says poking his head into the interrogation room. This woman still hasn’t admitted to being the one who shot Adam the first time, and with no hard evidence turning up from the scene linking her to the shooting they can’t arrest her for what she did to Adam, only Will.

The woman looks up eagerly, like she’s hoping Antonio is going to share in front of her.

“What is it?” Voight asks looking up.

“We should talk out here,” Antonio says quietly.

“He’s dead isn’t he?” The woman laughs.

“Shut up!” Voight shouts in her face, but she doesn’t intimidate, only snickers to herself and looks pleased. It’s unnerving. “You better pray he doesn’t die because if he does-”

“Boss,” Atwater interjects and pulls Voight away from Ms. Turner.

Voight brushes himself off and walks to the door. “If he dies, I will bury you.”

Antonio is pretty sure he means that’s literally.

“What’s the word on Ruzek?” Voight asks as soon as the door closes behind him.

“It’s not good,” Antonio replies grimly. “He’s back in surgery, and Hailey didn’t sound very optimistic.”

“What the hell happened?” Voight demands.

“I don’t know yet. She said she’d call back as soon as she knows more.”

Voight sighs and glances over his shoulder at the door to the interrogation room. “Stay here with Atwater and keep working her. We have to sink her for this. I’m going to head to the hospital.”

“You got it boss,” Antonio agrees. “Keep us posted.”

Voight grunts his acknowledgment and heads for the exit.

“And hey,” Antonio calls after him, stopping him before he can reach the door. “I’m sure Ruzek’ll be fine. He’s a numb skull, but he’s tough.”

Voight only nods slightly before turning back around and leaving.

Antonio can’t help but shake his head as he watches Voight go; he knows this is hard on him, harder than he’s letting on. Adam was hand picked from the academy by Olinsky and trained by him, Voight likes to pretend like that doesn’t mean anything to him, but Antonio knows it does. Ruzek is the link to his dead best friend, not to mention he’s a little like everyone’s kid. He’s grown out of it for the most part, but he’s still the guy they’ve all raised in one way or another from the time he left the academy, especially Voight.

“Where’s he going?” Atwater asks, coming out of the interrogation room just on time to see Voight go.

“The hospital,” Antonio replies.

“It’s bad, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, he’s back in surgery.”

“Should we be going too?”

“He wants us to stay and keep trying to get Turner to flip,” Antonio replies. He wants to go too. He and Adam were never especially close, but he still feels like he should be there. “We’ll head that way soon if we don’t make any ground.”

***

“Halstead, we need to talk,” Voight says and tosses him a coat.

“What?” Jay questions and casts a quick sideways glance over at Hailey, who’s sitting next to him sipping at her fifth cup of coffee. Voight had arrived back at the hospital almost an hour ago, for all that time they’ve been sitting in silence. The only interruptions being Hailey’s frequent trips for more coffee. Jay had been tempted a few times to tell her she should maybe try to drink some water instead.

“I said we need to talk” Voight repeats, jerking his head toward the exit.

Jay sighs and puts the coat on before reluctantly getting to his feet. He shoots one last glance at Hailey before following Voight out. He’s got a feeling she won’t be coming to rescue him from this conversation like she did the last one.

It’s dark and cold outside. The sun has already sunk below the horizon and flakes of snow are starting fall down from the dark clouds blackening the already black sky. Jay and Voight walk in silence down the sidewalk outside the hospital, Voight not speaking whatever's on his mind and Jay being too afraid to ask. He’s not eager to get his head bitten off again, and he has a feeling this is round two of that, but the silence is eating at him, leaving him to wonder, and that’s somehow worse than Voight yelling at him and blaming him. The silence is giving him too much time in his own head, so Jay finally decides to induce his own verbal lashing and break the silence.

“I made a judgement call,” he begins, and Voight lifts an eyebrow at him. “Adam can be an idiot sometimes and he jumps into things, but he’s smart and I trust him… I trusted him on this one, and I thought it could lead to something. I need you to know that. We weren’t just running around half cocked rushing into things. I thought about it. A lot. And I didn’t call you because I knew you wouldn’t like it. Hell, I didn’t like it, but it had the potential to break the case open. So we-  _ I  _ took a chance.”

“Are you done?” Voight asks a couple seconds after Jay stops talking.

“Yeah, I’m done,” Jay says and looks down at the side walk.

“Believe it or not I didn’t bring you out here to bust your balls,” Voight responds gruffly. “What you did was stupid and you should have come to me before you did anything, but you already know that so there’s no point in beating the dead horse.”

“Then why are we out here?” Jay ventures.

“Because I was wrong.”

Jay raises his eyebrows, taken aback by this statement.

“Wipe that look off your face,” Voight snaps. “I wasn’t wrong about you and Adam messing up. You two numb skulls did that royally. But I shouldn’t have put the two of you together on this case even if it was just supposed to be for the morning. Neither of you have any impulse control whatsoever. So that much is on me.”

“You’re still not going to tell me why you needed Upton for the morning, are you?” Jay asks. Between Adam getting the call from the supposed witness and what’s happening now, he hasn’t really had time to address the question lingering in the back of his mind about why Voight had borrowed Hailey for the morning.

“Now’s not the time to talk about it,” Voight says vaguely, which is pretty much what Jay was expecting to hear.

“Come on,” Jay argues. “She’s my partner. You really can’t tell me?”

Voight sighs. “Fine, but if you want to argue about it wait until this mess gets better.”

“What’s going on?” Jay repeats his question.

“She might be going to New York to do some work for the FBI,” Voight replies.

Jay stops walking and he can’t stop himself from sagging. She can’t be leaving too.

“It’s nothing permanent,” Hank promises and gives him a pat on the arm. “And don’t go talking about it with her. She doesn’t need to be worrying about you and Ruzek right now.”

Jay nods his head slightly, but doesn’t say anything. What if she decides she likes it better in New York? What if she decides to stay? What if she leaves him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> questions? comments? Concerns?  
> (side note: this doesn't really fit into canon anywhere it's just kinda a thing!)


	7. Chapter 7

Antonio leaves to go take a call from Voight leaving Kevin in the interrogation room alone with Patricia Turner. He narrows her eyes at her and leans forward, resting his elbows on the table. 

“Why?” He asks, there’s nothing tricky or tactful about his question. He just wants to know why, what her big plan was, why Adam. If she is indeed the person who sniped him from the warehouse. All they really know for sure is that she wanted to get into the OR and that she’d taken Will hostage to do it. They’re all really just assuming she wanted to get in because of Adam. “Why Adam?”

The woman grins snidely and folds her arms over her chest. “Who’s Adam?”

“Look, I’m the person you want to talk to, lady. If Voight comes back unpleasant things will happen.”

“Doesn’t matter to me,” she shrugs.

Kevin sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, they’ve been going round and round like this since they arrested her at the hospital and it’s making his head hurt. He’s tired and just wants to go to the hospital and be there when his partner gets out of surgery. Every time he blinks or closes his eyes all he sees is Adam bleeding out on the stretcher beneath his hands, blood dripping from his lips- Kevin shudders and tries his best to force the image out of his mind, he’s not sure if it’ll ever go away.

“You better pray he doesn’t die,” Kevin says in a low voice as he stands up. “You better pray.”

He leaves the room after that, slamming the door behind him.

“Everything okay?” Antonio asks, hanging up the phone and eyeing him with concern.

“No,” Kevin says flopping down into the chair at his desk. “My partner’s in the hospital dying and our only possible source of answers isn’t talking. You know, there’s not even a link between her and the guy who shot Jay. Maybe she’s not even the person who shot Adam-”

“But she is the person who took Will hostage to try to get to Adam. If she’s not our shooter from the warehouse, than she has to know something about it-”

“Don’t even bring up the possibility of a third shooter right now,” Kevin snaps. That thought has been nagging at the back of his mind since they dragged this lady in, but he doesn’t even want to consider it. That possibility will only add a whole new layer of complicated to this already complicated situation.

“Do you wanna make sure whoever shot Adam and Jay get justice?” Antonio snaps back, looking angry.

“Yes!” Kevin cries indignantly. “Of course I do!”

“Than you can’t go burying your head in the sand! You not wanting there to be a third shooter isn’t going to make there not be one!” Antonio shouts.

“I don’t have my head in the sand!” Kevin protests and stands up.

“Then-”

“Hey!” 

Antonio closes his mouth and takes a step back as Platt’s shout rings through the bullpen.

“Get it together,” she snaps, glaring them both down. “Everyone’s stressed right now. You two don’t need to be going at each other’s throats. That’s not going to solve anything, so quit fighting and put those heads together.”

Antonio ducks his head and Kevin sits back down trying not to look too terrified of the angry desk sergeant.

“Good,” Platts says with a curt nod. “Now, what’s the problem?”

“There’s no link to this lady and the guy Jay killed,” Kevin explains.

“And there’s nothing linking her to the shooting other than her showing up at the hospital and presumably trying to get to Adam,” Antonio elaborates.

“What are their connections to Adam?” Platt asks, leaning back against a desk.

Antonio frowns. They’d been so wrapped up in trying to link Turner to the dead guy in the parking lot that looking at it from that angle hadn’t really come up.

“Way I see it, Adam’s the connection between the two people.”

“We just need to figure out what their connection to Adam is... Why they want him dead,” Kevin says perking up. They don’t necessarily even need Turner to cooperate to get that information. They just need to dig and do some research.

“I’ll keep putting pressure on Turner. You look into that,” Antonio says and heads to the interrogation room.

“Hey,” Kevin calls, stopping him. “What did Voight say about his condition?”

“Oh right, he’s still in surgery. Will isn’t very optimistic and Kim’s taking it pretty hard,” Antonio replies before ducking out of the room.

Kevin sighs and turns his gaze to the computer.

“He’ll be okay,” Platt says encouragingly.

“I’m not so sure about that,” Kevin replies quietly. “It was really bad.”

Platt frowns. “You were with him?”

“In the ambulance, yeah,” Kevin says quietly. 

“I’m sorry,” she says softly. It’s a tone he’s never heard from her.

“Yeah, but I’m fine,” Kevin lies.

“No you’re not,” Platt says frankly. “No one’s fine after seeing their partner nearly die. Go to the hospital. I’ll take care of finding the link between the shooters and Adam.”

“Really?” Kevin breathes.

“Yes. Go.”

“How can I-”

“Just go,” she interrupts. “You don’t need to get mushy on me.”

“Thank you,” He says and grabs the coat off the back of his chair as he gets up to leave. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, get out of here.”

Kevin obeys.

***

She’s tired of sitting, she’s tired of waiting and she’s sick and tired of the looming nagging dread hanging over head and bearing down on her like a pile of rubble. All Kim wants right now is to run to Adam, hold him tight, tell him she loves him, and never let him go. What she’s had with him has always been back and forth- on and off, very unsure, but one thing was always for sure: him being there. He’s always there. Always. And the thought that he might not be anymore is more than she can bear to think about; she can’t even begin to imagine the unit without him. She can’t imagine her life without him.

“Kim,” Jay’s quiet whisper next to her makes her look up to see doctor Rhodes entering the waiting room. He looks tired, like someone fighting a losing battle, but still clinging to some distant hope of victory.

“Please tell me you have something good to tell us,” Voight says, stopping his pacing to address the doctor.

“We got the bleed under control for the most part, and by some miracle he didn’t code again,” Rhodes says as he glances around the room. 

“What do you mean for the most part?” Jay demands. “Did you stop the bleeding or not.”

“There was one minor bleed that we couldn’t get to,” Rhodes explains. “It’s in a tricky spot and trying to operate on it is more risky than leaving it and letting it stop on its own. He’s getting and blood transfusion and we have medication that will help the area clot.”

“What’s the prognosis here?” Voight asks. “Just give it to us straight.”

Kim isn’t sure if she wants it straight. She thought she did at one point, and she thought she could handle it, but now she’s not so sure she can.

“It’s not good,” Rhodes says. “He’s been through a lot, if anything else goes wrong within the next couple hours he probably won’t make it through surgery and due to the amount of blood he’s lost and the amount of times his heart has stopped we’re expecting for him to have brain damage. At this point we’re not even sure he’ll wake up.”

Kim squeezes her eyes shut and buries her face in her hands. This can’t be happening, not to him. She can’t lose him. She can feel Jay rubbing her back softly, trying to comfort her, but it’s not working. The only person who could make her feel even a little bit better is the only person who can’t be there for her because he’s been shot in the chest and is dying in a hospital bed.

“You guys should go be with him,” Rhodes finally says.

“All of us?” Hailey asks, her voice low, like she’s scared to ask it.

“Yes,” Rhodes replies. “Maybe if he knows you guys are there for him he’ll find a way to pull through.”

Kim closes her eyes and buries her face in her hands, she’s not strong enough to this. She’s not even sure if she can stand up, her whole body feels like a wet noodle, like she’s going to collapse at any second and break down.

“Hey, Kim,” Jay says softly, touching her back gently. “Let’s go. I walk with you.”

Kim shakes her head and she hates herself for it. Adam has always been there for her,  _ always _ , no matter what, but she can’t find the inner strength to get up and be there for him. She wants to make herself get up and go to him, but she simply can’t make her body move.

“I’ll wait here with her,” Hailey says quietly to Jay and sits down next to her.

Kim can feel Jay hesitate, but he gets up and leaves after a couple seconds.

“I know I should be there with him,” Kim mumbles after the room has cleared out.

“It’s okay,” Hailey says resting one hand comfortingly on Kim’s leg.

“But I should be there with him-”

“Kim, it’s okay. This is hard and scary. Nobody’s expecting you to be strong. It’s okay to be scared, and it’s okay for you to need some time before going back in there,” Hailey interupts her, but keeps her voice gentle and caring. “And Adam would say the same thing. He’d want you to take your time and take care of yourself. Okay?”

“Damn it,” Kim breathes. “He really would, wouldn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Hailey sighs with a fond smile. 

“I just feel like I should be in there,” Kim says looking back down at the floor. “I just- I don’t wanna see him like that again.”

“I know,” Hailey replies, wrapping one arm around her shoulders and pulls her into a comforting hug. “I know.”

Kim lets the tears come as she buries her face in Hailey’s shoulder. She wishes it was Adam here holding her. When he holds her it’s like he’s holding her with every inch of his body, and not just with his body, with his heart too, every fiber of his being clinging to her, keeping her safe and close. She’s pretty sure it’ll never happen again, she’ll never have that feeling again.

“I need to go be with him,” Kim says slowly as she pulls away from Hailey. Adam has always been there for her, she  _ needs  _ to be there for him. She needs to hold his hand and let him know she’s there and that she’ll be there for him until he wakes up, and he has to wake up. He has to because she doesn’t know what she’ll if he doesn’t.

“Oh- oh okay,” Hailey says, looking a little surprised by Kim’s new onset of determination to go be with Adam.

***

“Any word from Antonio?” Jay whispers to Hank after they’ve been standing in silence in Adam’s room for a couple minutes.

“Turner’s still not talking,” Hank replies quietly without taking his gaze off Adam. 

Jay can tell standing here is killing his boss, not that he doesn’t want to be around for Ruzek but more that standing around doing nothing when there are things to be done drives him up the wall. Voight is a doer and there’s nothing to be done for Adam except wait.

“You can head back to the district,” Jay finally says. Voight’s nervous bottled energy is making Jay even more uncomfortable than he already is just from being in the hospital. “I have to be here anyway because Will won’t sign my release papers. There’s no point in you standing around doing nothing when you could be helping elsewhere.”

Voight’s only response is a grunt as he swings his jacket and heads for the door. He stops in the doorway and walks back to Adam’s bed side.

“You hang in there kid,” he whispers quietly and gives Adam’s hand a little squeeze before turning around and leaving the room without so much as a side glance at Jay.

Jay sighs and sits himself down in the chair next to Adam’s bed. Everything about this makes him anxious. Adam shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t be here. None of them should be here. He hates hospitals, the white walls and lights, the noxious smell of cleaners- all of it. He hates it. It makes his skin crawl, he’s not sure how Will manages to spend so much of his time in this forsaken place.

“I’m sorry man,” Jay breathes, running one hand through his hair in frustration, and for the first time since this mess has started he realizes he’s mad at Adam. It’s not a rational anger and part of it is directed at himself, but there’s definitely some directed at Adam. “Damn it, Adam. You idiot.” Jay shakes his head. “...You idiot.”

“I don’t think that’s really what Rhodes meant when he said you guys being around might help him wake up,” Will says sarcastically from the doorway, interrupting Jay’s cursing of Adam and his stupidity. 

“Shut up,” Jay sighs, resting his hand on the palm of his hand.

“Sorry,” Will replies quietly and steps into the room bringing a chair with him.

“No, I was the idiot.” Jay leans back in his chair and folds his arms over his chest. “Sure the idea was his, but I let him go through with it even though I knew it was a bad idea. I made a judgement call that almost got us both killed. Everyone keeps saying it’s not my fault, but I don’t really see how.”

Will just shrugs and sits down in the chair that he’s placed next to Jay. His expression is an unreadable mask keeping his emotions concealed. It’s a face Jay has seen from him a lot, he always called it his little brother’s Doctor Face. “You want my professional opinion?”

“No.”

“You’re both idiots,” Will says, giving his diagnosis anyway.

“You always know how to make me feel better, don’t you?” Jay quips sarcastically. Jay’s never been able to wrap his mind around how his brother can be so tactful around other people and then so blunt with him.

“I’m a doctor, just doing my job-”

“Just shut up, Will.”

Will sighs and looks at him, his unreadable expression dropping and being replaced with concern. “You didn’t lead him blindly into that situation. He knew it was risky. You knew it was risky. Hell, you both knew it was a stupid idea. He’s an adult, you’re an adult, you both made the decision. So what happened to you is on you and what happened to him is on him. Shit happens, Jay. Nobody blames you. You shouldn’t blame you.”

“Hey guys,” Hailey’s soft voice sounds behind them. “You mind if we join you in here?”

“Yeah, sure,” Will says, standing up. “We’re going to get some coffee.” Jay opens his mouth to protest, but Will narrows his eyes at him and cut him off. “Now.”

Jay closes his mouth and stands up too. He doesn’t especially want to go and he doesn’t really have the energy to walk around, but he can tell just from looking at her, that Kim needs her space with Adam.

***

“Dawson get out here,” Trudy says poking her head into the interrogation room. It took her a while, but she’s got it. She found the connection between Turner and Adam and the dead guy, Giles. “I got it.”

“You found the connection?” Antonio asks hopefully as he closes the door behind him.

“Yes, it took a little digging, but I think I got it,” she says and opens up the file she’s thrown together. “Three years ago Adam arrested this guy Jacob Harris during a drug bust. Harris went down.”

“Okay, what’s this got to do with Turner and Giles?” Antonio asks.

“Turner was Harris’s girlfriend, and Giles was his roommate,” Trudy explains. “And last month Harris got shived in prison and died-”

“So they went after Ruz for revenge,” Antonio finishes for her.

“Yes-”

“Where’s Atwater?” Voight’s voice sounding through the bullpen interrupts their conversation.

“He wanted to go to the hospital so I told him I’d cover for him here,” Trudy replies.

“And thanks to her we know why Turner and Giles were after Ruzek,” Antonio adds. 

“What’d you guys find?” Voight demands.

“Adam arrested Turner’s boyfriend and he got shivved and died in prison,” Trudy replies. “Giles was the boyfriend’s roommate.”

“Great,” Voight says, b-ling for the interrogation room. “Let’s squeeze a confession out of her.”

“I want point,” Trudy says, stopping Voight in his tracks. There are very few people that she’d ever admit it to, but she loves Adam. He’s an idiot, but a good kid with a good heart. Sitting back and watching intelligence nail Turner for what she did to him isn’t enough for her, not in this case. It was her lead, Adam is one of her district’s officers, she wants to nail the bitch herself.

“Okay,” Hank agrees and steps aside to let her through the door first.

Trudy marches past him and into the room, now that she’s actually in the presence of the woman who shot Adam all of her forced composure seems to melt away.

“What? Did that other guy tired and go cry to his mommy-”

“Shut up!” Trudy barks, silencing turner with one harsh glare. “You aren’t going to talk to talk until I tell you to talk.”

Turner only smirks and sits back in her chair. This only adds to the fiery rage building up inside of Trudy.

“We know why you did it,” Trudy says coldly and slaps a picture of Jacob Harris down on the table in front of her. 

Turner’s eyes widen slightly before she shrugs and shakes her head. “Did what?”

“Shot Officer Ruzek,” Trudy replies, and throws down a picture of Harris after the shivving down on the table. “I get it. He put someone you love in prison and they died because of it.”

“You don’t get shit-”

“Oh yes I do,” Trudy shouts and slams her palms down on the table as she stands up, towering over Turner. “You  _ wish  _ I didn’t understand, but I do and it’s your own damn fault.”

“How’s that?” Turner asks bitterly.

“Because you put someone I care about in the hospital. And that was a mistake,” Trudy spits. “A mistake you’re going to pay for.”

“It’s worth it!” Turner spits. “As long as that son of bitch dies it’s worth it! He deserves it!”

“Well he’s not going to die,” Trudy says leaning in close, so her face is inches from Turner’s. “He’s out of surgery and they’re expecting him to make a full recovery.” It’s a lie, but there’s no way in hell she’s going to let this bitch get any feeling of success. “You  _ failed. _ ”

“No!” Turner shouts. “He has to die for what he did!”

“That’s  _ never  _ gonna happen,” Trudy says, straightening her back. “It’s over for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly low-key hate how i wrapped that part but whatever...  
> Questions? comments? concerns?


	8. Chapter 8

_ Two days later... _

Adam can feel a hand gripping his, and it’s almost like a guide pulling him back to reality. It’s something solid, something real, something he can feel other than the mind numbing pain lingering everywhere. He’s not sure how long he’s out, or even why he’s been out, and he’s pretty sure he doesn’t want to know, but he wants to open his eyes and wake up. He can feel the tug- the need to open his eyes again, but his eyelids feel heavy, like they’re covered in lead. And he’s not sure he has the strength to open them just yet.

“You wanna go get some coffee?” Hailey’s soft whisper echoes through the silence.

“No, I’m gonna stay right here with him.” Kim. He’s sure it’s her voice that replies to Hailey. She’s right there with him, it’s gotta be her holding his hand. He can feel his heart flutter a little. She’s there.

“... Kim?” It’s a struggle, but he manages to push her name off his tongue.

“Adam?” she breathes and he can feel her grip tighten on his hand.

“Mhmm,” He manages to mumble and he blinks his eyes open slowly to find himself looking into her warm smile. Her face is red like she’s been crying, but as their eyes meet there’s no sadness in her gaze.

“I was so worried about you,” she whispers and cups one soft hand around his cheek. “‘I was so scared.”

Adam musters a smile. He doesn’t really remember what happened, but it doesn’t really matter to him. She’s here with him, and that’s all he really cares about.

“Sorry-”

“No, hey, shhh,” Kim says, silencing him before he can apologize for scaring her. “You’re okay now, and that’s all that matters.”

“I love you,” he says quietly after a couple seconds of silence spent staring into her eyes. He knows she probably hasn’t felt the same way about him in a long time, but it’s how he feels and it’s the only thing he can think to say. He almost died without telling her one last time. It doesn’t matter if she feels the same way, he has to tell her.

“Adam…” She’s smiling, but it’s a sad one and there are still tears in her eyes.

Adam closes his eyes, hiding from the sting of rejection. “It’s okay Kim.”

“Hey,” she says softly and runs her hand through his hair. “Adam, look at me baby.”

He swallows; he doesn’t think he’s strong enough, but he opens his eyes anyway, for her.

“Adam,” She says as she gently touches his cheek. “I love you too. And I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Adam smiles and leans into her touch, unsure what to say.

***

Kim keeps her hand rested against the side of Adam’s face even as he closes his eyes again and drifts off to sleep again. She wishes she could climb into bed with him and hold him close like he had done for her all the times she was on the other side of this, but Will had said it’d be better to give him space so she doesn’t accidently bump him and mess something up. He’s doing a lot better than he was, him waking up even if just for a couple minutes is evidence of that, but everything is still very fragile with him. A bump or too much movement could spend him spiraling again. So for now the best she can do is hold his hand and be there for him as he ducks in and out of consciousness.

“You’re still here?” Will observes as he comes into the room for his check up on Adam.

“Yeah,” she says quietly, not taking her eyes off Adam.

“How’s he seem to be doing?” Will asks, clicking his pen and heading over to flip through Adam’s charts.

“He woke up for a couple minutes,” Kim replies.

Will smiles at her. “That’s great!”

“Yeah.”

“And hey,” Will says, gesturing to Adam’s charts. “His vitals are getting stronger too. They’ve gotten better even since I was in here earlier.”

“He’s getting better?” Kim questions, she almost doesn’t believe it.

“Yes Kim, he’s getting better,” Will says. “He’s going to be okay.”

People have been telling her that for the past two days, but this is the first time anyone’s said it with conviction. This is the first time she really believes them. Adam’s going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty, this is the end for now. I might add more later on tho.  
> Questions? Comments? Concerns?


End file.
